Tales of an Uchiha
by xxxloveliesbleedingxxx
Summary: Sasuke has returned to Konoha after an unfortunate final encounter with Orochimaru he ends up in a konoha hospital room reunited with his old team and friends, how will he grow to adjust to life back in the leaf? Contains rape, drug use, Sasunaru, GaaNeji, and undisclosed pairings. (I do not own Naruto)(More info about story on profile)
1. I'm Sorry

Sasuke was exhausted as he made his last few steps into the village hidden in the leaves. The gate guards Izumo and Kotetsu scarce knew what to do when Sasuke fell to the ground in front of them.

Sasuke woke up to bright white lights of a Konoha hospital room. Tsunade and Kakashi were in the room and an anbu member guarded the inside while two more guarded the outside.

Sasuke was blinking fast adjusting his eyes to the light, he looked around at the people in the room barely able to take in his surroundings.

"I would've had you arrested, but considering your current situation I feel you could have some valuable information to offer me." Tsunade said to Sasuke, who appeared to be only half listening, but surprisingly gave a quick reply.

"I killed Orochimaru." Sasuke said without moving or even batting an eye.

"Even after what he did to you, you were still able to kill him?" Tsunade asked amazed. Sasuke nodded slowly, trying to keep his headache from growing any worse. He glanced at the other two occupants of the room, they didn't seem to understand what she was referring to. Sasuke relaxed slightly, pleased that she would keep this bit of information between the two of them.

"What are your plans Sasuke? Did you just stumble in here because you wanted someone to heal you or are you actually trying to return to the village on your own?" Tsunade asked a mixture of concern and annoyance in her voice.

"I want to return." Sasuke said dejectedly. Tsunade nodded and began to speak.

"If you want to return and eventually become a full-fledged ninja again then there are some conditions you must follow. You'll be under Narutos watch until further notice. Your chakra will be sealed during that time. Also there was a trace of heroin in your system when we did the blood work and we found some concealed on you when putting you in the hospital gown. Any idea why that would be, Sasuke?" Tsunade asked with one eyebrow raised.

Sasuke's eyes widened only slightly he knew that they would find out about it, but didn't know where to start when explaining the situation.

"I was forced into taking it. I'm addicted. I don't know what to do about it."

"We'll let Naruto know about it and he'll help you detox from it."

"Hn." Sasuke nodded.

"It's good to have you back Sasuke." Kakashi said.

Tsunade asked Kakashi and the anbu member to leave the room so she could speak with Sasuke alone.

"Do you think you'll be okay Sasuke, given the circumstances of your situation and what Orochimaru did to you, do you think you'll need extra help?" Tsunade asked concern lacing her voice, her hands on her hips as she stared down at the battered Sasuke.

"No, no I'll be okay." Sasuke wasn't sure how true that statement was, but he doesn't want to rely too much on other people for help especially people he, in the past, has betrayed.

"All right, well get some rest, when Naruto gets back from his mission I'll have him come here." Tsunade explained to Sasuke, however there was a look in her eye that said she didn't fully believe in Sasuke's statement, but she'll give him a chance to prove himself.

Sasuke lied back down on the pillow and fell back asleep, the day's events exhausting him, even though he knew it was only the beginning.

As Tsunade left Sasuke's room, Kakashi and the anbu member walked back in the room, Sasuke didn't stir at the change in chakra in the room, already familiar with the two guarding him.

Before Kakashi reentered Tsunade had a few words to say to him.

"Kakashi, I know how it is, but he needs as many people around him for help as he can get. He's stubborn and confident, but that only means one thing, that he's hiding his true emotions, I feel as his sensei you should still be there for him whenever he may need you." Tsunade explained her hand on his shoulder as she turned down the hallway.

'I understand…my lady.'

Naruto was jumping through the trees of Konoha forest, heading back from his mission, when he heard Akamaru bark. Sakura, Kiba, Neji, and Lee were his fellow teammates on the mission they just completed and they eagerly awaited their return to Konoha.

"Akamaru says he smells Sasuke." Kiba said, Naruto and Sakura eyes widened at the unexpected news. Naruto looked down and his eyes caught something red staining the Earth below. The team jumped down to examine it.

It was a dried blood spot and there seemed to be more of them heading in the direction of Konoha. Naruto and Sakura shared a nervous look.

"What do you think this means Naruto?" Sakura asked.

"Maybe…maybe he's….returned" Naruto suggested his eyes still wide with shock and uncertainty.

They began to run back to the village doubling their efforts.

The team arrived at the hokage's tower and handed in their mission report. Tsunade pulled Naruto and Sakura aside.

"Sasuke has returned to the village. He's seriously injured and being watched at the hospital, Kakashi and some anbu are there. Sasuke's decided to return to the village and reinstate himself as a leaf ninja. I've decided to place him under your watch Naruto until I say otherwise, so this means you won't have any missions for a while." Tsunade explained the details to Naruto and Sakura then lead them to Sasuke's room at the hospital.

Once they entered Sasuke's room their breath caught in their throats at the sight of Sasuke.

Sasuke was asleep on the bed his head leaning to the right side, bruises covered his jaw, and scratches covered his face, his right eye was blackened, his arms were bruised badly, his right wrist was bandaged, it was broken, and there were track marks on the inside of both arms.

Sasuke, even in his sleeping state, sensed the other ninja and woke up. He flinched when Sakura and Naruto ran over and embraced him with strong hugs.

What Sasuke did next surprised everyone in the room, even Kakashi's one visible eye widened when Sasuke wrapped his arms around his two teammates, actually returning their hug and trying to stop the tears no one knew he was holding back.

"I'm sorry." Sasuke choked out, he fell back to the bed and continued sleeping the emotional turmoil too much for his exhausted mind and body.


	2. Back to Konoha

Sasuke woke up three days later feeling better than he did when he arrived. He was finishing putting on the new robes Tsunade got for him when Naruto walked in.

"Hi Sasuke." Naruto said cheerily. Tsunade talked to him again after his visit with Sasuke and explained most of the situation to him. She told him about the heroin and what to expect with withdrawals and cravings, she didn't tell him everything about what happened when Sasuke returned, but she advised him to act himself to make Sasuke feel more at home.

"Hn…hi." Sasuke was going to give his usual emotionless reply, but then added 'hi' as an afterthought, the realization that he wasn't with Orochimaru anymore surprised him every time the thought crossed his mind.

Naruto took in Sasuke's appearance, the robes Sasuke wore covered his bandaged arm and the fading track marks. He wore a long gray shirt and black pants, his ninja shoes were black as well. Sasuke's hair was longer and still styled the same way. His eyes were lost and empty as he gazed towards Naruto indicating he was ready to leave.

Naruto lead him to his apartment. Naruto hadn't changed much, he was still hyperactive, his jumpsuit was still orange and black were it was once blue, his headband had been replaced with a long black band instead of the short blue one, but Sasuke remembered all the new adornments from the last time they met. It was a moment Sasuke didn't want to recall, the day he destroyed part of Orochimaru's hideout and stood on a cliff side staring down at his old teammates. He had no choice but to say the things he did. He knew Orochimaru was watching his every move as he stood above his old friends.

When they first walked into Naruto's apartment Sasuke immediately noted how small it was. There was a bed, a couch, a coffee table in front of the couch and a chair on the other side of it, a kitchen area off to the right, and despite its small size Sasuke knew it would be more comfortable than his so called room at Orochimaru's which in reality was more like a cell.

He sighed and shivered as a withdrawal symptom came over him suddenly and he scratched at his arm subconsciously, barely registering the movement. Naruto stared at him a concerned look in his eyes as Sasuke walked towards the bathroom.

"I'm taking a shower." Sasuke said closing the bathroom door.

"Okay…" Naruto said to an empty room as he sat down on the couch. He still wasn't sure how to approach the situation with Sasuke, he was nervous. This was his best friend, but so much has changed since three years ago, yet Sasuke seemed like nothing was different at all, and that only made the situation harder to deal with.

Naruto heard the bathroom door open and Sasuke appeared fully clothed, his hair wet and a sad faraway look in his eyes. It was rare to see any kind of emotion on the Uchiha's face and Naruto couldn't help but check on him.

"Are you okay?" Naruto asked concerned at the presence of such an overwhelming emotion.

"Hn." Sasuke replied his voice empty of emotion and not even looking up at Naruto.

"Do you want to go for a walk?" Naruto suggested, maybe looking around the village would distract Sasuke from his inner turmoil. Sasuke was now more capable of traveling on his own since his arrival at the hospital three days ago, luckily his legs weren't too injured, a few bruises here and there but no major damage.

"Hn." This time Sasuke glanced up at Naruto when he answered.

"I'll take that as a 'yes'." Naruto said with a smile and grabbed Sasuke's hand, leading him out the door. Sasuke flinched at the sudden contact but didn't say anything, instead he let Naruto drag him outside into the bright Konoha afternoon.

They walked through town at even pace, Sasuke slowly recalled the locations they passed, some places were different, but mostly it was as he remembered it. As they got deeper into the village Sasuke moved closer to Naruto, for some reason a fit of nervousness began to take hold of him. Naruto smiled at Sasuke, not minding the close proximity, but told his friend to relax. Sasuke scratched at his neck and shivered despite the hot air, the withdrawal symptoms still strong.

Eventually they stumbled into the slums of Konoha, a shady place where the withering ninja-less outcasts of Konoha gathered to make illegal dealings. Sasuke recognized the back alley transactions for what they were, though he never traveled around a town to get what he so desperately craved, Orochimaru sent out people to bring his requested items. Sasuke never felt right about receiving drugs, but addiction took hold of his body and mind. As certain events in Sasuke's life came to be proven false, he lost all motive, almost giving up on being a ninja altogether, but he knew at that point it was the craving for drugs that was talking and he hated it, hated what he had become, and was disgusted with himself in every way possible.

"Hi guys!" Naruto shouted enthusiastically, he was happy to see his friends after so long. Sasuke didn't realize they were already out of the slums, and he moved if possible even closer to Naruto as Shino and Kiba came into view. He felt that everyone he grew up with must harbor some less than favorable emotions when it came to him after all he did abandon everyone on his quest for power, his thirst for revenge, he knew that they must hate him for what he put them through, for what he put Naruto through.

"Hi Naruto." Kiba and Shino said happy to see their friend as well.

"So Sasuke's back?" Kiba sneered. "What? Being Orochimaru's little slave lost its appeal huh?" Kiba mocked him annoyed.

Sasuke's eyes widened slightly and he clenched his teeth in anger but he didn't say anything, instead he moved behind Naruto slightly trying to shield himself, Shino didn't say anything, but was a little surprised at Kiba's outburst, Kiba raised a brow and looked at Naruto.

"What's wrong with him?" Kiba asked annoyed.

"He's been through a lot Kiba, lay off." Naruto defended his friend.

"Stop talking about me like I'm not here." Sasuke growled out angrily through gritted teeth, his eyes narrowed ever so slightly as Hinata walked up to join them.

"H-hello Kiba, Sh-Shino, N-N-Naruto, and S-Sasuke hello." Hinata greeted with her usual stutter as she bowed to everyone, however she quickly adverted her eyes when her timid glance met Sasuke's cold stare.

Sasuke never really understood the reason, but he's never really liked Hinata. Something about her lack of confidence, her weak appearance, and shy stutter always drove Sasuke mad. He also knew that she has been in love with Naruto since she first saw him, and for some reason he has hoped that they would never get together, an indescribable emotion took over him every time she even glanced at Naruto.

"Hi Hinata." Naruto greeted the timid girl cheerfully, a bright smile on his face, and she blushed madly at the attention she received from the man she's always loved. Sasuke scowled at Naruto's excitement then calmed down after realizing he was overreacting. The emotional seesaw weighing heavily as he once again picked at his arm.

"So why are you guys out here?" Naruto asked.

"We're about to head out on a mission with Kurenai-Sensei, we're meeting her here." Kiba explained while folding his arms behind his head, Akamaru was sitting next to him wagging his tail excitedly.

"Cool it's like old times eh?" Naruto asked elbowing Kiba in the ribs playfully.

"Yeah. Hey Naruto are you going to Ino's party this Saturday? I'm sure you could bring your lap dog here with you and Ino would love that." Kiba said rolling his eyes as Sasuke narrowed his.

"Kiba stop." Naruto snapped and spared a glance at Sasuke. "I don't know if I'll be going. Naruto said looking at the ground. Sasuke scratched his arm again the skin of his left wrist showing red scratch lines briefly before the sleeve slid back down.

Kurenai walked up at that point and they all said their goodbyes as the team headed off on their mission. Naruto and Sasuke turned back around and began their walk home.

"I'm…sorry about that Sasuke." Naruto said after a while, he didn't like the way his friends, mostly Kiba treated Sasuke.

"I understand why he's angry, Naruto, you don't have to apologize for him." Sasuke said. Naruto looked over at Sasuke, shock clear on his face. This was the most Sasuke had said since he entered the village and it was in defense of someone that hated him.

"Yeah but it's in the past now, he should learn to forget it." Naruto said offhandedly. He could never hold grudges, he wanted everyone to be at peace and be happy, but then he realized just who he was talking to, and chanced a worried glance at Sasuke, sadness was definitely evident in his eyes, before Sasuke quickly closed them and shook his head.

"Sometimes people can't help but hold onto the past." Sasuke said staring intently at the ground a faraway look in his eyes. Naruto couldn't take his eyes off Sasuke, his concern constantly growing for his friend, it was becoming clear to Naruto that the inner turmoil Sasuke was experiencing was getting much more difficult to hide.

"Sasuke…exactly what happened when you…when you were with Orochimaru?" Naruto asked nervously trying to approach the subject carefully, but just like that, with this one statement Sasuke's progress was eradicated and he quickly closed in on himself, not saying a word for the rest of the journey home.

It was night when they got back to Naruto's apartment and without anything being said Sasuke went to sleep on Naruto's couch and Naruto went over to his bed climbing under the large orange comforter and falling asleep quickly.


	3. I Can't Even Right Now

**Hello! Story continues onward today and what not. Don't really have a uhhh exact kind of cycle when I'll be updating, but definitely going to keep updating yup yup. So leave reviews and what not tell me if it sucks… I'm still continuing it even if no one likes it…the idea has been stuck with me for years…so give me suggestions and what not I'm dying over here…**

**Ahh thank you and enjoy!**

A few days went by and Sasuke started to get better, his bruises were healing to a dull yellow, his broken wrist was doing better, though still bandaged, and the track marks were nothing but scars now. He spoke more, he was improving in his socialization skills, but he still refused to speak about the time he spent under Orochimaru's wing.

"It's Saturday." Sasuke said with no clear emotion as he looked over at Naruto while they were sitting on the couch.

"Yeah?" Naruto replied confused at the sudden statement.

"Ino's party is today." Sasuke pointed out.

"Do you want to go?" Naruto asked a hint of surprise in his voice.

"I think I do." Sasuke answered unsure of himself.

"Really? I'm fine with not going if you don't want to…" Naruto looked at Sasuke with a sincere expression, trying to read some kind of emotion from the Uchiha.

Sasuke started scratching at his arm moving the fabric of his shirt up as he dug his nails into his wrist. Naruto looked at him concerned.

"We should go. What's the worst that could happen?" Sasuke stated looking at Naruto with determination in his eyes as he continued scratching uncontrollably at his arm, the skin turning red. Naruto grabbed the offending appendage.

"Fine, we'll go, but you have got to stop doing that." Naruto said rolling his eyes at Sasuke as he let go of his arm.

It must have been the hundredth time tonight Sasuke heard his name being said amidst whispered conversation. He did his best to ignore it, a cup of water in his hand, and the other hand subconsciously reaching up to claw at his neck. Sasuke couldn't help but feel that the longer he went without heroin the more painful the withdrawal symptoms were.

Naruto seemed to appear out of nowhere and grabbed Sasuke's arm forcing it back down. Shikamaru was by his side, sparking up a cigarette with one hand while the other held a glass of Sake. Shikamaru let out a long drag as the cigarette came to life and glanced over at Sasuke.

"You drinking?" Shikamaru inquired gesturing towards the glass in Sasuke's hand.

"No it's water. I…don't handle alcohol very well." Sasuke explained not sure what to say, he tended to be rather…promiscuous when drinking alcohol, something he found out while living with the sanin. A fact that Orochimaru tended to…exploit. Sasuke started scratching at the arm that was holding his glass of water. Naruto swatted at the hand.

"Stop that!" Naruto whisper-shouted at Sasuke who in turn glared at him, annoyed.

"I can't help it." Sasuke said looking away. Shikamaru raised a brow confusion clear on his face. 'Eh it's too troublesome to ask' Shikamaru thought to himself taking another drag off his cigarette, Sasuke was eyeing the cigarette carefully. Shikamaru noticed Sasuke watching him intently and pulled out the customized silver box that held his self-rolled cigarettes. He held out the box to Sasuke and with cigarette in mouth he spoke.

"Do you want one?" Shikamaru asked Sasuke, who looked unsure for a second and then reached out to take one.

"Yeah." Sasuke practically sighed out in relief, he then took the offered zippo lighter and lit the cigarette inhaling and exhaling thankfully. Shikamaru pocketed the pack and the lighter.

"When did you become a smoker, Sasuke?" Naruto asked crinkling his nose as the smoke drifted in his direction.

"Around the same time I started doing heroin." Sasuke answered offhandedly, Shikamaru's eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"Heroin? Why in the world were you doing heroin?" Shikamaru asked putting his cigarette out in the ashtray on the table to his right. The apartment they were in belonged to Ino, she bought it with the money she had been making from all her missions. She doesn't smoke, but because of the parties she's always having and the fact that she and Shikamaru are best friends she allows smoking in the house, she even bought ashtrays for the occasion, she doesn't really mind it at all.

Sasuke looked at Shikamaru a blank expression on his face as the question registered to him, he actually let something personal slip without even realizing it.

"It doesn't matter I've been clean since I entered the village." Sasuke said matter-of-factly as he put his cigarette out as well.

"So what like a week?" Shikamaru asked lighting up another cigarette, Sasuke narrowed his eyes at the comment.

"Yes." Sasuke said through gritted teeth.

"I'm not trying to offend you Sasuke. Heroin is a hard habit to kick. You probably have another week of hell to go through before you feel normal again. My mom was a user, so trust me I know how troublesome it is." Shikamaru explained and Sasuke's eyes widened.

"Hn." Sasuke replied taking a long sip from his water.

"Shikamaru?! Why didn't you ever tell me this?!" Naruto shouted, he has always been concerned about his friends and their wellbeing, the fact that Shikamaru went through something like this and never told him, bothered him.

"It's my problem and besides this was a while ago, right after the chunin exams, she's clean now." Shikamaru said and Naruto sighed in relief.

"When did you start smoking?" Sasuke asked and Shikamaru exhaled smoke slowly before he answered.

"I started when Asuma was killed by two Akatsuki members. In fact this was Asuma's lighter." Shikamaru explained pulling out the lighter again, as he put it away, Sasuke looked at him with shock in his eyes.

"Asuma's dead?" Sasuke asked incredulously. Shikamaru just nodded with a frown on his face.

"I got my revenge though. We went after them, I ended up killing the one who brought down Asuma and Naruto killed the other one. It's part of the reason I'm not angry at you like how you think everyone else is. I understand how mind-consuming a quest for revenge can be, so even though three years ago I didn't much like you, I can actually say I understand where you are coming from now." Shikamaru explained to Sasuke who looked at him with no clear emotion on his face.

"Hn." Was all Sasuke could say as he took another sip of his water. Shikamaru finished off his cup of Sake in one sip and turned to walk away.

"It was nice catching up, Sasuke, Naruto." Shikamaru said looking back with a soft smile as he headed into the kitchen to get more Sake and talk to Choji.

As the party went on those who were drinking were definitely becoming noticeably drunk. Neji and Lee were sober, Neji was busy monitoring Lee making sure he didn't get ahold of any kind of alcohol, wanting to avoid absolute destruction at all costs.

Ten-Ten, Hinata, and Temari were sitting on one couch and Shino and Kiba were across from them on the other couch all discussing village matters, recent missions, and other random thoughts here and there, they were a bit tipsy with the exception of Kiba who was borderline wasted. Shino was keeping an eye out for his drunk friend who was so far gone he had to sit down before he ended up falling to the floor.

Kankuro, Neji, Gaara, and Lee were standing near Ino's sliding glass door which was already pulled open to let the breeze in and to air out the cigarette smoke. They were discussing political subjects mostly and what was in store for the chunin exam.

Ino and Sakura were flat out wasted standing in the hall that lead to the kitchen. Ino was leaning on Shikamaru, barely standing while Choji munched on chips laughing at Shikamaru, he grumbled in annoyance and mouthed a "How troublesome." Sakura laughed at their antics and continued to send drunken glances toward Sasuke's direction.

Naruto and Sasuke walked over to Neji's group and decided on joining the conversation about the chunin exam. Naruto was still a genin, even though it's been a while since he got back to the village, he still hasn't taken the exam, mostly because he was too wrapped up in bringing Sasuke back that he didn't really care about it.

"When is it?!" Naruto shouted excitedly. Sasuke attempted to shield himself behind Naruto, he felt guilty about leaving the village, and Naruto told him all about the mission he was sent on to retrieve him when he originally left….and who went with him, everyone standing in this circle were people who were on that mission and some of them nearly died.

"A month from now Naruto." Gaara replied showing as much amusement as the stoic person he is could.

"Oh yeah!" Naruto shouted punching his fist in the air.

"What's up with him?" Kankuro asked nodding his head toward Sasuke, then taking a sip from his glass of Sake. Naruto stepped over, revealing Sasuke who glanced up for a second before quickly adverting his eyes again.

Shikamaru walked over to their group, after peeling the drunk Ino off of him and setting her down on the couch next to Kiba, he had a scowl on his face as she made one last attempt to cling to him. She sat down on the couch then drunkenly leaned on the near-unconscious Kiba. Sakura and Choji followed after Shikamaru as he continued to walk over to where Naruto and Sasuke were.

"Sasukeeee." Shikamaru faintly heard Ino moan, he shook his head and joined the conversation, trying to shake off the weird feeling he got from being around a smashed Ino, Sakura and Choji were standing with him.

"Eh. He's fine." Naruto said elbowing Sasuke in the ribs. Sasuke scowled at him and mumbled "Idiot." As he rubbed at his now bruised rib cage.

"Neji, Temari, Kankuro, and I are proctoring the exam Naruto so you better look out this time, it's not going to be anything like what Ibiki, Anko, Hayate, and Genma did. Shikamaru said with a smirk.

"I'll become chunin this time! Believe it!" Naruto shouted cheerfully, they all smirked at his carefree words, even Sasuke, that is until he suddenly felt a hand run seductively across his lower back causing him to jump about three feet in the air.

"The fuck!" He shouted turning around as fast as he could and suddenly the smell of Sake became overwhelming as he locked eyes with the emerald green of Sakura, he obviously knew it was her, and it was _obvious _that she was wasted. Everyone gave Sasuke a curious glance at his overreaction. Naruto looked over at him concerned and even Kiba was waking up, he had no idea what was going on, but he was awake enough to push the drunken Ino off of him and lean back into the couch. Ino fell onto the arm rest and didn't even stir.

"Sahskay." Sakura breathed out reaching a hand up to gently caress Sasuke's cheek. He frowned and backed away, tense, and nearly falling into Naruto, who moved and ended up being in between his two best friends.

"What?! You don't have to touch me to get my attention." Sasuke snapped in annoyance, still attempting to lean away from her.

"But Sahskay I luvv yoush. I can halp you go beeter. I know whot habbened I rear your fedical mile." She was slurring her words horribly and Sasuke could barely understand what she was saying. She kept trying to move closer to him and Sasuke backed away glaring at her with hate in his eyes, how dare she pry into his personal life without his permission, if he wanted to tell her what happened then he would, but on his own time.

"That is none of your business Sakura, go away you're annoying me." Sasuke said anger clear in his voice. Sakura's face darkened in anger as well.

"None of bishness?! WHAT so den you likt what he did to you?!" Sakura shouted out frustrated and annoyed, too drunk to realize what she just implied. Time seemed to stop as everyone froze. Sasuke's face changed quickly from shock to extreme anger. The grip on his glass tightened until it shattered, water and blood mixing together as it dripped off his damaged, quivering hand onto the white carpet, a few shards stuck in his hand. He was shaking with anger, disgust, embarrasement, sadness, so many emotions jumping across his dull eyes, he closed them shut, as tight as possible and tried blocking the memories that so often invaded his mind.

_There was a dark room lit by one candle, its flame still with the lack of air flow in the underground hideout. A large, king-size bed covered in cheap, white sheets sat in the center of the room shaking with the harsh movements that occurred on its surface. Sasuke, his tear stained face held an expression of pain, horror, and sadness as another blood-curdling scream erupted from him, piercing the night…or day…he never knew anymore. He was young still, about 14. Orochimaru's naked form hovered in his vision a sick, twisted smile on his face as he leaned in licking and biting roughly at Sasuke's neck._

'_You love this Sasuke.' Orochimaru's seductive, snake-like voice echoed in his mind._

Sasuke shook his head fast trying to dispel the awful memories. He reached out quickly, wrapping his bloodied hand around Sakura's neck, she gasped in surprise and fear flashed across her emerald eyes. He wanted to kill her this very second, his sharingan flared, but the chakra restraints Tsunade put on him worked fast and he immediately dropped to his knees in sudden exhaustion. After gasping for breath on the floor he got up as quick as possible and ran out the sliding glass door.

Sakura reached up to her neck, Sasuke's blood staining her fingers, and she began to sob uncontrollably.

"Oh man. Oh man. Oh man." Naruto kept repeating looking back in forth between the door and Sakura.

"Sakura are you okay? Oh man…why would you say that?! What is-ugh. Oh man." Naruto partially shouted, confusion on his face, he hated being stuck between his two friends but right now Sasuke was his mission, his responsibility.

Sasuke ran as fast as he could, trying to put as much distance as possible between him and the others. He was holding back tears as he tried to block the onslaught of horrible memories consisting of a vile snake ninja, candle lit bedrooms, chains, and pain…always so much pain. The only place he could go was Naruto's, then the memory of that dark alleyway sprang up in his mind, giving him a whole new idea.

Sasuke was standing on the roof of one of the buildings towering over the drug addicted slums of Konoha. He hid in the shadows watching a suspicious transaction below him. The two below parted ways, Sasuke's dark eyes following the customer as he started to leave the alley. Jumping smoothly and quietly down the side of the building Sasuke appeared behind the man and knocked him out before he could escape the shadows of the moonlit alley. He made sure the man wasn't severely injured before he took three full needles out of the man's lax hand. He quickly moved to another secluded alley sitting down with his back against the wall. He rolled up his sleeve, using it as a tourniquet as he inserted the first needle, pressing the plunger slowly, then immediate relief flooded through his system, his blood warming slightly.

After Naruto finished making sure Sakura was okay he turned toward Shikamaru and Neji.

"Shikamaru. Neji. Please help me search for Sasuke." Naruto asked looking desperate as he pleaded with his two friends. They looked at each other then back at Naruto and nodded, almost slightly reluctant. They headed out to their first destination, Naruto's house.

When they arrived there Naruto asked Neji to use his byakugan to see if Sasuke was in there or not. Unfortunately Neji had no luck locating said ninja. Naruto looked dejected, running out of ideas of where his missing friend could be, until Shikamaru spoke up.

"Naruto I think I might…have an idea of where Sasuke may be." Shikamaru started carefully.

"Where?!" Naruto asked hopeful, desperate.

"Well if he is recovering from…what we discussed earlier…and with what just happened…he may be looking for it, and there's only one place in Konoha you can find that stuff…" Shikamaru suggested. Naruto looked at him unsure at first, but it was the only lead they had right now, he nodded to Neji and they began following Shikamaru across town at a dead run.

With the byakugan it didn't take long for Neji to locate Sasuke in the alleyways, a few turns later they found Sasuke lying on the ground passed out, an empty needle stuck in his arm and two more empty ones tossed carelessly by where his head was resting in the dirt. Naruto crouched down and pulled the needle out of Sasuke's arm, then shook the bastard awake.

"Hnn." Sasuke groaned out, his vision blurred as he attempted to look around, not able to focus on his surroundings, he had no idea where he was. A horrible feeling trapped him to the wall as he felt like he was back with Orochimaru, stuck underground to be tortured and used. His breathing came out ragged and fast, in short, quick gasps, as he started to experience the beginnings of a panic attack.

"No…NO! L-Leave me alone." Sasuke could barely speak as horror locked him in place. Naruto climbed in Sasuke's lap, his legs on either side of Sasuke's. Maybe not the best idea, but Naruto was trying to act fast, and it was the only thing that came to mind. He held Sasuke's face in his hand's forcing his friend to look at him, he tried to speak softly to calm Sasuke down.

"Shhh Sasuke you're okay. It's me Naruto. Calm down, breathe through your nose before you hyperventilate. It's okay. You're safe. You're okay. Look at me. You're okay." Naruto kept repeating himself over and over until Sasuke finally stopped shaking and his breathing returned to normal. He grabbed the hands that held his face and slowly removed them, but didn't let go, instead his grip tightened, as if he was afraid that when he let go Naruto would disappear. Naruto didn't mind, and his eyes drifted down to Sasuke's injured hand, at least it stopped bleeding and it looked like the glass was gone.

"N-Naruto…sorry…god I'm so sorry I didn't mean to do this or hurt Sakura, I was so angry…I didn't know what to do…" Sasuke almost started crying, but he wouldn't let himself, he was almost too overwhelmed to even cry.

"I know. I know. I understand. It's okay…well you looked like you were going to kill her, she only said that…stuff… cause she was drunk." Naruto explained he felt torn between his two best friends, they both did something horrible, he was stuck and didn't know how to handle it. Naruto started thinking about Sakura, then shook his head, Sasuke was more important to him right now. Naruto stood up and helped Sasuke stand as well, he leaned back against the wall unable to stand on his own. Neji and Shikamaru watched him carefully.

"Hn. She read my medical file. Was she drunk then?! Stealing information on me to satisfy her creepy obsession!" Sasuke shouted as anger boiled in his gut, he was disgusted with her, disgusted with himself, he started shaking with uncontrollable rage.

"Maybe Tsunade-" Naruto started but Sasuke immediately cut him off.

"No. Absolutely not. She told no one. It is very confidential, there's no way she would just let Sakura get access to that information." Sasuke explained in a way Naruto couldn't argue with.

"It's just hard to believe that Sakura would go that far…" Naruto said looking at the ground a sad look in his eyes.

"Tsunade needs to be informed. Because of her everyone knows that I-" Sasuke cut himself off shaking his head trying to stop the memories from coming back.

"…I can't even say it myself." Sasuke sighed dejectedly.

"If we're going to be telling Tsunade about that, then she should also know about this…You need help Sasuke…like professional help…you need more than just me. You know you can't run off and stick a fucking needle in your arm every time something goes wrong." Naruto explained looking sincerely at Sasuke who adverted his eyes in shame.

"Hn." Sasuke said with a vacant expression staring at the ground. He pushed himself off the wall and attempted to walk away, he stumbled a few steps then fell into the wall. There was too much heroin in his system he couldn't even walk straight he looked behind him, as he started sweating and shaking.

"Naruto I-" Sasuke started saying as he dropped to his knees. Naruto sighed and walked over to him. He yanked Sasuke up and wrapped Sasuke's right arm around his shoulders, while being careful of his injured wrist.

"C'mon Sasuke. Neji. Shikamaru. Thanks for helping me find him and please do me a favor and don't tell anyone about this. Naruto said his head turned looking back at his other two friends, who just watched the exchange between Naruto and Sasuke, not really knowing what to say.

"Yeah yeah..che…troublesome. Are you sure you don't need help taking him back to your place?" Shikamaru asked.

"I'll be going." Neji said and they watched as he hopped up to the rooftops to begin his journey home.

"No Shikamaru it's okay. I got it." Naruto said but Shikamaru ignored him, he grabbed Sasuke's other arm wrapping it around his shoulders as well.

"You both are so troublesome. You know that?" Shikamaru mocked with a smirk on his face. Naruto shook his head slightly amused as they started walking back to Naruto's house, practically dragging Sasuke the whole way.


	4. What's My Age Again?

"I thought you said you'd be okay Sasuke?" Tsunade looked at him an eyebrow raised and hands on her hips. It was morning, the day after Ino's mess of a party. Naruto summoned a shadow clone not long ago to get Tsunade to come to his apartment, Sasuke wasn't in any kind of useful condition at the moment, so they decided against walking to the hokage's tower.

"Hn if Sakura didn't pull that stunt last night…" Sasuke trailed off distracted by the events of the previous evening, he would've been fine, he could've attempted to mask the pain, pretending the past few years never happened, but that hope was shattered when the offhanded statement left Sakura's lips. Tsunade sighed, frustrated, what had she gotten herself into?

"I will deal with Sakura later, she's in a lot of trouble for breaking the confidentiality law on your medical file, and she had no authorization to read it at all. However, Naruto has a valid point, you need help, so despite your previous declination of my offer for _more_ help, you'll now be meeting with a therapist once a week." Tsunade explained pacing the room in deep thought. Sasuke looked away from her and his voice was barely a whisper when he spoke.

"How could I possibly talk to a therapist when I can't even talk to my friends?" Sasuke said unable to stop the helpless feeling that washed over him. Tsunade's movements stopped and her eye's softened when they locked on Sasuke.

"Sometimes it's easier to talk to someone you hardly know than people you're close with." Tsunade explained and Sasuke looked up to meet her eye's considering her words.

"Who is it?" Sasuke asked, giving up.

"Anko Mitarashi." Tsunade deadpanned.

"…Why does that sound familiar?" Sasuke said trying to remember.

"She was the proctor at the forest of death when we took the chunin exams." Naruto said. Sasuke visibly paled, that woman was insane! Tsunade took notice of the face he was making.

"It won't be that bad, she was a student of Orochimaru's as well, and she even has the same curse mark, it'll benefit you to talk with her, Sasuke" Tsunade explained.

"Is that the only reason you chose her? Does she even have any experience as a therapist?" Sasuke asked paranoid.

"She does yes, she wanted to become a counselor, so she started studying and doing practices about four years ago, after Orochimaru's last attack on the village." Tsunade said while rubbing the bridge of her nose, Sasuke's stubbornness was about as frustrating as Naruto's hyperactivity.

"Hn. Fine. When do I meet with her?" Sasuke said, realizing he honestly didn't have much choice in the matter.

"Tuesday at 2:00. Okay?" Tsunade said hands on her hips in a pose that just asked for him to try and disagree with her.

"Hn." Sasuke replied turning away from the conversation, he placed his elbow on the armrest of the couch and rested his chin in his hand, staring at nothing in particular.

Tsunade left after that, she had duties as hokage to fill. Not a moment later they heard a knock at the door. Naruto and Sasuke shared a confused look then Naruto went to answer it, when he opened the door Shikamaru was standing there, hands in pockets, and a bored expression on his face.

"Can I come in?" Shikamaru asked.

"Uh sure." Naruto answered rubbing the back of his head as he moved over to let Shikamaru walk in. He sat down on the chair across from the couch Sasuke was sitting on. Naruto closed the door and sat next to Sasuke.

"So what's up?" Naruto asked Shikamaru.

"Well I guess I just wanted to see how everything was going and to drop this off." Shikamaru explained as he pulled out a black custom cigarette box with the Uchiha symbol on it and a red zippo lighter, handing them both to Sasuke. Sasuke was confused at the offer, but took it nonetheless.

"A little welcome back gift, I guess." Shikamaru said with slight amusement in his voice.

"Thanks." Sasuke said.

"He shouldn't smoke and neither should you!" Naruto shouted pointing his finger accusingly.

"Don't be a drag Naruto. Everyone has their guilty pleasures, and this is a way better outlet than some of the things he'd end up doing." Shikamaru explained as he stood up and pulled out a cigarette of his own.

"Sasuke?" Shikamaru raised a brow at Sasuke who stood up and followed him outside to Naruto's balcony. They were leaning against the rail staring into the city, taking light drags off their cigarettes.

"What did Tsunade say?" Shikamaru asked after a while without even looking over at Sasuke.

"After she healed my hand she told me Anko would become my therapist and I start seeing her Tuesday at 2:00." Sasuke answered as he exhaled a small cloud of smoke.

"Anko?" Shikamaru raised a brow at that.

"Yeah apparently she's trained to become a therapist and she was Orochimaru's student." Sasuke explained.

"…Being a student is one thing, being raped is another thing entirely." Shikamaru said then took a long drag off his cigarette. Sasuke looked up at him surprised and indulged in a long drag as well before finally addressing Shikamaru's statement.

"You're the first person I've heard to actually say it." Sasuke said his voice barely above a whisper.

"…Hmm. I can't say I know what you need exactly, it's a shitty situation no matter how you look at it. I'm no therapist, but I will say this. I am your _friend _Sasuke, feel free to tell me anything. It's a bad idea to ignore these things. I know as ninja we aren't supposed to show emotion, but among friends there is always an exception. Don't try to beat this on your own, I have a feeling that it won't turn out very well…" Shikamaru explained to Sasuke hoping to get through to him somehow.

"Shikamaru!" A voice shouted from below. "We need to go meet Temari, Gaara, Kankuro, and the hokage for the chunin exam preparations." It was Neji who was trying to get Shikamaru's attention.

"I'm coming. I'm coming." Shikamaru replied his voice hardly any louder than his regular speaking voice.

"Well I'm off." Shikamaru said putting out his cigarette then turning to walk towards the door, but he was suddenly stopped by Sasuke's voice.

"Thank you Shikamaru." Sasuke said looking at the ground in the direction of where Shikamaru was standing, he looked back at him with a light smile on his face.

"No problem." He said and disappeared behind the blinds. Sasuke turned away and lit another cigarette.

Later that evening Naruto and Sasuke were sitting around on the couch not doing anything in particular. They haven't spoken much to each other since Shikamaru came by earlier, however Naruto did send a few concerned glances Sasuke's way every now and then. Eventually Naruto sighed and finally turned to Sasuke.

"You know if you need anyone to talk to you can talk to me too." Naruto said with a slight pout on his face.

"Is this why you've been so quiet the past _six _hours? ...Do you think Shikamaru is replacing you?" Sasuke asked his head turned slightly in question.

"No! I just felt I should say it…is all." Naruto stuttered out. Sasuke crossed his arms and his eyes fixated on the ground.

"Shikamaru's my friend, a really good friend, but you-you're my best friend and nothing will ever change that." Sasuke explained a faint blush on his cheeks, he was slightly embarrassed at the sentimental confession. He scratched at his neck, slightly nervous. Naruto was shocked at first, but then he couldn't stop staring at him with that stupid grin on his face…

The next day Naruto asked Sasuke to train in taijutsu with him, since Sasuke's chakra was sealed and Naruto couldn't go on any missions, he needed some way to keep his skill level up. Naruto was waiting outside for Sasuke as he gathered kunai from the shelf by Naruto's bed. Sasuke wasn't paying much attention and dropped a kunai when he felt the sharp end of one slice his hand. The sudden pain distracted him and he couldn't focus on anything other than the cut. 'Why did that…?' Sasuke's thoughts completely cut off and his eye's followed the blood dripping down his hand. He picked the kunai up off the floor and sat down on Naruto's bed. He pulled up his left sleeve and put the kunai to his wrist dragging the blade across it slowly, it barely broke the surface of his skin but a thin line formed and slowly cascaded in red rivulets down his arm. He moved the blade down a centimeter and cut another line, then another, and more, until his whole arm was covered in blood.

'What is wrong with me?' Sasuke asked himself, just then Naruto walked in, he barely had enough time to roll down his sleeve before Naruto looked at him.

"Sasuke what's taking- What happened to your hand?!" Naruto asked rushing over to Sasuke's side.

"I accidently cut it when I grabbed one of the kunai. I'll clean it, then we'll go." Sasuke said hurrying to the bathroom while Naruto watched him with an odd expression on his face.

He quickly cleaned his arm and hand then wrapped them in gauze to stop the bleeding for now. When he came out they left Naruto's apartment and walked to the training grounds in silence.

"I bet I'm stronger than you at taijutsu Sasuke!" Naruto shouted taking a stance.

"Yeah right, idiot." Sasuke scoffed as he took his own stance. Naruto ran towards him, with kunai drawn, as he let out a loud battle-cry. Sasuke met the attack with his own kunai, and the sound of metal clashing against metal was heard as they jumped apart and ran at each other over and over. Naruto pocketed the kunai and attempted to send a kick to Sasuke's face, he blocked by dropping low and swinging a leg out to swipe Naruto off his feet. Naruto jumped back and Sasuke sent a fist into Naruto's gut as he jumped off the ground. The clone exploded in a puff of smoke and the real Naruto appeared behind him.

"Hn cheater." Sasuke said his head turned slightly to look at Naruto disapprovingly.

"Sorry, sorry, old habit." Naruto said waving his hand and charging at Sasuke again. He was throwing punches at Sasuke's face, he dodged them all and grabbed Naruto's fist on the last hit, pulling him forward, Naruto stumbled, but caught himself before he fell, he spun out of it and tried kicking Sasuke in the back. Sasuke dropped low again and this time swiped Naruto off his feet. Naruto flipped back up and ran at Sasuke grabbing his left arm by the wrist. Sasuke stopped at the sudden pain and pulled his arm away quickly. Naruto looked at him with brows furrowed in confusion.

"I thought it was your other wrist that was broken." Naruto said confusion clear in his voice.

"Yeah well I guess you just grabbed it wrong." Sasuke said trying to find some kind of excuse. Naruto looked at him with an eyebrow raised and reached out his hand.

"Really? Let me see." Naruto said, he had no idea what was going on, but he was suspicious, he felt like Sasuke was hiding something from him.

"Wow! You two fight like a choreographed explosion of youth!" Lee shouted from the edge of the training grounds, Neji by his side, Sasuke quickly walked towards them, anything to avoid Naruto's suspicious gaze.

"Good you can train with Naruto, his clones wouldn't be considered cheating then." Sasuke said as he stood next to Neji.

"That would be great! Naruto prepare yourself!" Lee shouted launching himself at Naruto. Neji and Sasuke watched Naruto and Lee fight for a while before Neji finally spoke.

"I bet you're thankful for that opportune interruption." Neji said.

"What are you talking about?" Sasuke asked trying to express sincere confusion.

"If you're going to cut yourself may I suggest you do it in a less life threatening place, your wrists hold a few vital veins, and it would be an unnecessary ordeal if you cut too deep." Neji explained matter-of-factly and glanced over at Sasuke.

"How did you-"One look at Neji's eyes and his question was answered.

"You can see even _that_ with the byakugan." Sasuke asked annoyed.

"I can see anything and everything with the byakugan." Neji replied shrugging.

"Hn."

Neji sighed in frustration.

"Sasuke, maybe it'll make you feel better to know that not everyone hates you. At the meeting yesterday we also discussed your situation. Shikamaru made a few good points on your behalf. Gaara, Kankuro, Shikamaru, Temari and I are on your side so to speak. You can consider us your friends, if you want. Even Lee is with you, we discussed it on the way here. Now, I would like to suggest that you don't cut yourself at all, but I'm more…realistic, but realize what you would be doing to Naruto and Shikamaru when they find out, and they will find out." Neji explained while not moving his eyes once from the fight in front of him. Sasuke turned staring at Neji with his eyes wide in shock.

"Only if you tell them." Sasuke said defensively.

"I'm not going to tell them anything. Well I may talk to Gaara about it, but I'm not saying anything to Shikamaru or Naruto, I'm sure you will screw that up on your own." Neji replied.

"Why Gaara?" Sasuke asked looking at him confused and Neji shrugged.

"He had the same problem when he was younger." Neji answered.

"When did you become such an expert on Gaara?" Sasuke asked with a hint of annoyance in his voice.

"Over the years he and I have gotten rather…close. We spent some time together when I took the jonin exam in Suna and I ended up staying there for a year and a half." Neji explained.

"Close? You don't mean to say that _you _and _Gaara _are _together_?" Sasuke asked with slight surprise in his voice. Neji looked at him carefully before answering.

"Yes I guess you could say that." Neji replied.

"Hn whatever I guess then." Sasuke said tripping over his words slightly as he watched Naruto intently, he was still fighting Lee and just dodged a series of the ninjas lightning kicks. Neji took notice of Sasuke's intense observations.

"Hm so do you mean to tell me that _you_ are straight?" Neji asked. He was always one to get to the point and never really danced around random subjects.

"And what would it mean to you if I wasn't?" Sasuke asked his folded arms tightening their grip slightly.

"That you like men." Neji deadpanned.

"…But Orochimaru?" Sasuke looked at him surprised and questioning, Neji just sighed, Sasuke was a real pain when he wanted to be.

"Sasuke, women like men. Women get raped. Now just because a woman likes men and gets raped, it doesn't mean she enjoys it, nor does it mean she has feelings for the one who raped her. I imagine that would be your situation." Neji explained as if Sasuke were a child.

"I guess you have a point, but I don't see everyone else understanding this so simply, especially not after what Sakura said the other night." Sasuke said rubbing his forehead with his right hand in frustration.

"I understand. After all the only ones who know about Gaara and I are his siblings, Hinata and Shikamaru." Neji said.

"How does Shikamaru know about _everything_" Sasuke said sarcastically.

"Hm. He's an intelligent man, very useful in these sort of situations. I suggest you remember that." Neji said as Lee and Naruto walked up.

"Come on guys let's get some ramen!" Naruto shouted pulling Sasuke with him, Lee and Neji followed with amusement clear on their faces.

**A few things happen in this chapter, I know. One thing I want to address is the whole cutting situation, though usually a serious thing, this is only a turning point, it's fast because it's not going to be something that lasts on Sasuke's mind forever, unlike the heroin thing, that's more developed, don't look at the cutting as a turning point, it's more like if he can't use then he cuts. It doesn't last long, it's almost so insignificant that I'll say he's going to be found out in the next chapter, I just needed him to one more stupid thing before he finally has his first therapy session.**


	5. Never Again

**So new chapter, reveal some things, make a guess at some things yadayadayada, it was gonna be a lot longer but I decided to cut it off right before the whole therapy session thing. I don't particularly like this chapter, I changed a lot from what I had originally written, ugh it was very hard to write but anyway Enjoyyy!**

They were all sitting at the Ichiraku ramen shop when suddenly Naruto heard a familiar voice come up from behind.

"Hey Naruto." Sai said throwing his arm around Naruto's shoulders.

"Sai?! When did you get back from your mission?" Naruto asked, surprised to see him. Sasuke scowled at the newcomer.

"About an hour ago. More importantly when did Sasuke get back?" Sai asked giving Sasuke his fake smile, Sasuke scowled, if possible even more and Neji almost laughed at Sasuke's interesting behavior.

"A little over a week." Naruto answered carefully watching the quiet exchange between the two, he sensed Sasuke was about to explode.

"Well Sasuke it's nice to see you in the village and not on a cliff side trying to kill us." Sai unknowingly mocked with a smile. Sasuke stood up immediately filled with rage.

"Why are you glaring at me? Do you not like me?" Sai asked confused.

"Naruto, what is wrong with this guy?!" Sasuke asked his friend while feeling pissed off and slightly confused.

"Don't mind Sai, Sasuke, he's in root, a special organization that apparently trains ninja not to have any emotions, but he's fixing that. Right Sai?" Naruto said looking over at Sai who nodded and gave another fake smile to Sasuke. Sasuke relaxed slightly.

"Root huh? Then you know Danzo?" Sasuke said measuring Sai as if trying to see through him. Sai's eye's widened slightly, how would Sasuke know something like this?

"Danzo yes, he's the leader of root." Sai answered still recoiling from the shock. That was all the information he was able to give on Danzo, however, or else the curse on his tongue would react.

"Hn. I guess it may be true then." Sasuke said quietly to himself looking off to the side not staring at anything in particular.

"What was that Sasuke?" Naruto asked confused, he could've sworn he heard Sasuke say something.

"Nothing, it's not important right now." Sasuke replied, Neji eyed him suspiciously, but didn't say anything.

Naruto stood up and threw some money on the table.

"Well Lee, Neji, Sai, I guess we'll see you later then!" Naruto said bidding his farewells to everyone with a wave of his hand. They all said their goodbyes to Naruto and Sasuke as well.

Sasuke and Naruto were walking down the streets of Konoha back to Naruto's apartment when Sasuke suddenly turned and started walking in the direction of the training grounds. Naruto looked at him in question, but Sasuke only glanced at him and kept walking. Sasuke looked at all the buildings they passed and a feeling of nostalgia suddenly hit him, he could see his younger self running carefree through the village, passing right by him as he continued on. He froze at the sight, Naruto stopped as well and looked at him, concerned.

"It's nothing." Sasuke said. He folded his arms across his chest and continued walking. He looked up at the sky, it was bright, blue, beautiful, and not a cloud was in sight. It was a perfect day, though many things were nagging his mind. He scratched at his neck absentmindedly then refolded his arms. Several thoughts hit his mind at once. 'What am I doing? Why did I cut myself? Why am I walking to the training grounds? Why am I even questioning myself?' Sasuke was overcome with this new feeling, he's always been so sure of his actions before, and yet here he was questioning every little action he took as if it could possibly lead him to the end of the world.

They finally arrived at the training grounds. Sasuke sat down his back against the same stump that Naruto was tied to all those years ago. Naruto sat next to him still looking at him confused, but didn't say anything, there must be a reason why Sasuke brought him here. 'I'll wait until he says something.' Naruto thought to himself. Sasuke glanced around the field then stared up at the stump. 'This is where it all started. The place where we became official ninja on an official team. I was so adamant about my goals back then. Now I- I don't even know what to do anymore, Orochimaru took everything from me. Even Itachi isn't- Maybe I should tell Naruto what I did, that I hurt myself. It's not something I want to do again, though it provides a great distraction… I just can't do it. I don't want to ever do it again…'

"Naruto."

"Naruto!"

Sasuke spoke his name softly just as Sakura came out of nowhere and yelled his name. Sasuke sighed and glared at the pink haired ninja running up to them. She stopped by the stump, hands on her knees, as she tried to catch her breath 'Well here we all are…' Sasuke thought to himself.

"Sasuke I'm really sorry about the other night. I know you're not going to forgive me right now, but I'm truly, sincerely sorry for what I said and how I acted." Sakura said with a frown and bowed toward Sasuke.

"Hn." Sasuke mouthed and stood up walking away carelessly. Naruto stood up as well and looked at Sakura meaningfully.

"Give him some time Sakura." Naruto whispered then followed after Sasuke, leaving Sakura there to stare at their backs as they walked away.

"Sasuke. What were you going to tell me?" Naruto asked looking up at Sasuke carefully as they continued walking back to the apartment.

"Nothing important." Sasuke replied as he glared at the road in front of them. Naruto knew there was something up, but knew it was best not to push Sasuke right now.

Later that night Naruto was in the shower and Sasuke was sitting on Naruto's bed intently staring at the kunai in his hand. 'Well here I am again, about to do something I said I'd never do again. I should just tell Naruto or Shikamaru or someone. It's only now just hitting me why I started this, why I'd rather feel self-inflicted pain than let withdrawal symptoms take control of me…' His thoughts ceased as he pulled up his right sleeve and started slicing his wrist in every direction. Drops of water fell and mixed with the blood on his wrist, it was then that he realized he was crying. He was so lost in what he was doing he didn't hear the front door open, he didn't even notice the presence of another person until he felt his head swing sideways with the force of the slap he just received, the kunai being yanked from his hand, and the feeling of his body being dragged towards the kitchen. When he felt cold water hit his wrist, he woke up from the daze he was in and locked eyes on a very angry Shikamaru who was snapping fingers in front of his face.

"What. In. The. Fuck. Are. You. Doing. Sasuke?" Shikamaru enunciated every word very slowly and with anger clear in his voice. He grabbed a few paper towels and held them over the bleeding wrist, after a few seconds he lifted them, and then placed them back.

"At least they're not deep. What in the hell were you thinking Sasuke?! Here! You hold this." Shikamaru said and Sasuke held his hand over the paper towels, he still couldn't stop the tears from falling.

"I-I-I. It just-. I don't-. I'm sorry." Sasuke tried to explain but was at a loss for words he was on the verge of having a panic attack when Shikamaru spoke.

"Calm down Sasuke, don't hyperventilate. Come on. Come sit down." Shikamaru said motioning him over to the couch. Sasuke walked over and sat next to Shikamaru holding his hand tightly over his bleeding wrist. 'What do I do? What do I say? And if Naruto comes out-.'

"Let me see your other arm." Shikamaru said grabbing the arm that was holding down the paper towels and pulling back the sleeve. His arm was wrapped in bloodstained gauze, Shikamaru sighed and started unwrapping it.

"Ugh Sasuke…why? When did you start doing this?" Shikamaru asked with a sigh as he took both of Sasuke's arms in his hands and looked at the cuts, those healing, and those that were brand new.

"This morning." Sasuke said looking away. He should've known he was going to get caught. Neji was right.

"You're an idiot. Don't think you can get away with something like this. Naruto may have been the one assigned, but he is _not_ the only one watching you." Shikamaru said looking at Sasuke's face. The shower shut off at that moment and Naruto stepped out fully clothed a few minutes later. He saw Shikamaru on the couch with Sasuke and when he walked to the other side he gasped at what he saw.

"Sasuke what the fuck did you do?!" Naruto shouted not even trusting his own eyes.

"I cut myself." Sasuke said looking at the ground as Shikamaru let go of his arms and he covered up the bleeding one with paper towels again.

"Sasuke." Naruto said with sadness in his eyes.

"This is the only day I've ever done it. I-I was going to tell you, but then Sakura showed up and I just couldn't." Sasuke said not able to look Naruto in the eye.

"I knew you wanted to tell me something! But why Sasuke, why did you do this instead of talking to one of us?" Naruto asked with confusion and hurt in his voice.

"I just couldn't say- couldn't tell anyone that I just wanted to get high, that I needed something to distract myself from everything." Sasuke didn't know what to say, he didn't know how to explain himself.

"You know my mom had the same problem. You should have told me. I've talked her out of getting high several times. Stop trying to do everything by yourself." Shikamaru said with anger clear in his voice.

"Seriously Sasuke, tell us what's wrong! We're not mind readers. I know you don't want to talk about it, but that's better than this!" Naruto said trying to get Sasuke to trust them. He sat down on the other side of Sasuke looking at him desperately and sharing concerned glances with Shikamaru over Sasuke's shoulder.

_Flashes of his parents lying dead and Itachi standing over them flew through his mind. He saw his failed attempts at fighting Itachi, Naruto getting stronger, his final departure from the village. The first night with Orochimaru, his will finally breaking, countless sleepless nights as the image of a single burning candle stained his cornea, and the overwhelming feeling of his body being ripped in half while Orochimaru's soft hands travelled up and down his body…_

Sasuke started breathing rapidly again and quickly got up running to the bathroom, he emptied the contents of his stomach into the toilet and leaned his back against the bathtub while sitting on the floor, his head was in his hands when Shikamaru and Naruto walked in. Sasuke was trying to calm his breathing and shake the images out of his head when Naruto kneeled next to him and placed his hands on Sasuke's shoulders. Sasuke gasped and flinched when he felt the hands on him, forgetting for a second where he was, he looked up his hands falling to his sides, his tear filled eyes meeting Naruto's wide ocean blue eyes.

"He's dead Sasuke. You killed him. You are going to be okay. _Let yourself be okay._" Naruto said his eyes never leaving Sasuke's. Sasuke worked hard to slow his breathing and tried to rid his mind of the horrible memories. He took deep breaths and eventually nodded. Naruto helped him stand, but Sasuke stumbled forward and fell into Naruto's arms, Naruto held him securely resting one hand on his mid-back and the other at the back of his neck.

"…Naruto." Sasuke sighed out closing his eyes tightly and wrapping his arms around Naruto, he held onto his friend like his life depended on it.

"It's okay Sasuke." Naruto said shutting his eyes as well. Shikamaru suddenly felt like he was intruding on something, it was an odd sensation that suddenly caused him to turn around and walk into the living room, he moved to stand by the door that lead to the balcony.

They pulled away from each other at the same time a few minutes later. Naruto lifted Sasuke's arms and pulled back the sleeves again, he grabbed the gauze from under the sink and carefully rewrapped both arms, when he was done he pulled the sleeves down and Sasuke let his arms drop. Their eyes locked for a moment.

"This is never going to happen again, right?" Naruto demanded not moving his eyes from Sasuke's.

"…Never." Sasuke said in a whisper. Naruto watched him for a second then nodded, he turned and walked out of the bathroom, Sasuke following behind him slowly. When he came out of the bathroom he noticed Shikamaru standing by the balcony door with an unlit cigarette in his hand.

"Sasuke, join me for a cigarette." Shikamaru said and Sasuke followed him out onto the balcony, he enjoyed the night air and the view of the stars, the lights of the village being surprisingly dim for the evening.

"I've always thought you did well hiding your emotions Sasuke." Shikamaru said finally about halfway through his cigarette. Sasuke and Shikamaru were leaning on the railing, Sasuke glanced at him then turned his gaze back to the sky.

"Hn."

"You've always worn your emotions behind a mask of anger… at least to those you keep at a distance, but those who you are close to see everything. I'm sure there were plenty of options open to you when you killed Orochimaru, but you came back here. Why?" Shikamaru asked. Sasuke looked at him for a moment considering his own thoughts.

"I honestly don't know what I expected to find when I came back." Sasuke and Shikamaru lit another cigarette. "I guess I just wanted everything to go back to the way it was, but there's something in the village, or someone in the village, I need to confirm things with, I had other plans of finding these things out, yes. However, for the entire time I was gone, the only thing that kept me alive was the memory of Naruto, my team, and everything we went through together. I just want that back." Sasuke explained with a sad look on his face, Shikamaru regarded him carefully.

"It's not going to be like that ever again, but it can be better if you let it. You have to move on Sasuke. Don't get stuck in the past, everyone will move on without you, don't get left behind."

"Hn"

"If you reply with that one more time I'm going to slap you again." Shikamaru mocked.

"It's an old habit." Sasuke replied.

"Che an annoying habit." Sasuke looked at Shikamaru then to the sky, he lit his third cigarette and sighed.

"So who the hell is this Sai asshole?"

"Heh." Shikamaru smirked at Sasuke's question. "Sai…he's harmless, a bit of an emotional retard, not unlike yourself." Shikamaru said with amusement clear in his voice, Sasuke just scowled in annoyance.

"Whatever, what I want to know is…is he gay?" Sasuke asked trying not to express any clear emotion.

"Hmm I have no idea, he could be, but I don't really think he is." Shikamaru said unable to give a clear answer.

"…But the shirt?" Sasuke asked incredulous.

"He's emotionally _retarded_. Seriously he has no idea what he's doing when having any kind of contact with people. Don't judge a man by his shirt, and besides he gets most of his information on human interaction through books." Shikamaru said amused.

"Hn."

"Sasuke."

"I know."

They were quiet for some time just staring at the stars and smoking cigarettes. Sasuke was never one to initiate conversations anyway so he just stood there staring into the night.

"Ino's having another party Saturday by the way." Shikamaru said.

"Yeah that sounds like a _great _idea." Sasuke said sarcastically.

"Well everyone knows now, it's not like they'll say anything though."

"Kiba would."

"Hm he was pretty wasted. I doubt he even remembers."

They heard the sliding glass door open and turned their heads to see Naruto walk out onto the balcony.

"Naruto! So Ino's having another party Saturday, you coming?"

"I don't know. Sasuke?" Naruto looked to his friend blindsided by the sudden question.

"…whatever." Sasuke reluctantly agreed.

"Thank god because I need someone else there to keep Ino's drunk hands off me." Shikamaru shuddered.

"Is she always like that?" Sasuke asked.

"It's mostly because Sakura is there, they always try to out drink each other, and have the most ridiculous drinking competitions." Shikamaru said in annoyance, then they all looked down at the road when they saw a familiar person walking through the streetlights, it was Sakura. She was walking alone until suddenly Lee came running up to her out of nowhere, they could just barely make out the conversation.

"Hello Sakura! It is great to see you on this beautiful evening!" Lee shouted filled with excitement.

"Oh hi Lee, yeah it's nice to see you too." Sakura said kindly.

"Sakura would you please be my date and accompany me to Ino's party Saturday?" Lee asked enthusiastically, always one to get straight to the point.

"Huh? You still feel that way about me Lee?" Sakura asked surprised.

"Yes Sakura! I love you with all my heart!" Lee declared smiling and giving her a thumbs up, she laughed and smiled at him.

"Sure Lee. I would love to go with you." Sakura said and Lee danced around in excitement, then they continued on walking together through the streets of Konoha.

"I think you gave her quite the wake-up call, Sasuke." Shikamaru said looking away from the city and over to Naruto and Sasuke.

"Hn. Didn't you like her Naruto?" Sasuke asked.

"Sakura? Eh I got over her a while ago. I've been trying to get her to go out with Bushy Brows for a while now, but she was still stuck on you." Naruto explained.

"Hn." Shikamaru rolled his eyes, it was never going to stop.

After a while Shikamaru said his goodbyes. Naruto and Sasuke, exhausted from the day's events went to sleep. After about an hour into their slumber Sasuke started tossing and turning on the couch.

"Agh…St…op…Stop! NO! Don't touch me!" Sasuke was shouting and sobbing in his sleep waking Naruto up. Naruto rushed over to Sasuke's side and started shaking him awake.

"Sasuke … Sasuke wake-up!" Naruto shouted.

Sasuke woke up with a gasp, sitting up quickly, and shaking violently. He grabbed Naruto's arms and looked up at him with tears in his eyes.

"Naruto? Oh Naruto thank god." Sasuke said and bowed his head as relief washed over him. Naruto sat down next to him, as Sasuke's grip tightened on his arms. They sat like that for a while, Naruto waiting for Sasuke to calm down more. After Sasuke finally relaxed and let go of Naruto's arms, Naruto looked at him and spoke.

"…Sasuke, why don't you come sleep in the bed with me? It might help if you can sense my presence next to you while you sleep." Naruto suggested. Sasuke looked at him and considered it, it's not like it would be the first time they've slept next to each other, they have done so many times before on missions, but for some reason the thought caused Sasuke to blush slightly, at least it was dark, so Naruto didn't notice.

"Hn." Sasuke stood up and followed Naruto over to his bed. Sasuke got in on the left, Naruto on the right, they shared the large orange comforter. They both lied down flat on their backs staring up at Naruto's ceiling, their shoulder's brushing slightly any time they moved, after a few long quiet moments they finally fell asleep.

Naruto and Sasuke woke up the next morning simultaneously. They blushed when they realized their arms and legs somehow ended up tangled together while they were sleeping. Naruto attempted to quickly remove himself from Sasuke and ended up falling on the floor with a loud thump.

"Ita!" Naruto shouted, Sasuke raised a brow and got out of bed gracefully then sat down on the couch. Naruto glared at the back of Sasuke's inconsiderate head then got up to go to the kitchen to make breakfast.

**Now keep in mind this is nowhere near the end, Sasuke has a lot of healing to do and trust me I have a lot more to write, there's still the chunin exams, Sasuke getting his chakra back, the introduction of Itachi which I'm still trying to figure out and the chunin exams I'm still trying to figure out, but a lot is already written I have maybe three more chapters to transfer from print to type before it goes back to me summoning ideas from my brain again, in print I'm currently stuck on the chunin exams. So hope you enjoyed and yes there is more to come this story will probably be 15 to 20 chapters long when I'm finished.**


	6. The Webs We Weave

**This chapter literally killed me to write, I tried to proofread, I'm too tired, too much is going on this week, trying to write more, I really don't like this chapter but it's tolerable, **

**Enjoy it's pretty long and all over the place**

A few hours later Sasuke was staring nervously at the hospital door that lead to his meeting with Anko. Naruto was next to him and gave him a friendly smile, in an attempt to reassure his friend.

"I can't go in with you, but good luck Sasuke. I'll be right outside the door, okay?" Naruto said and Sasuke nodded opening the door, walking in and closing it quietly behind him. The room was small and not like the other hospital rooms, instead it was more like an office. The walls were bare, white, and in the center, slightly towards the back there were two chairs on one side of a metal desk then on the other side there was one chair, which Anko was sitting in flipping through the pages of a file. _Probably mine. _Sasuke thought to himself as he took a seat in front of Anko.

"Hello Sasuke." She said with a smile as she closed the file.

"Hn." Sasuke replied as he put his arm up on the chair resting his chin in his hand.

"So what's on your mind?" Anko asked while leaning back in her chair and folding her hands.

"Nothing." He replied without sparing her a single glance, talking wasn't one of his strongest abilities especially when it involved such personal matters.

"Okay so what's _been _on your mind?" Anko said leaning forward and putting her folded hands on the desk.

"I don't know, stuff." Sasuke replied still not looking up.

"_Like?_" Anko said still trying to get an answer out of him.

"…" Sasuke just continued to stare at the wall trying to show an extreme lack of interest even though on the inside anxiety was eating him alive.

"…This is going to be a long hour." Anko said with a sigh leaning back in the chair again

"I didn't ask for this." Sasuke said snapping his head in her direction annoyed.

"You _asked _for it when you used heroin again." Anko said challenging him, it seemed that was the only way to get him to talk.

"If Sakura didn't use my medical file against me, I wouldn't have." Sasuke said frustration clear in his voice.

"And what did she say that made you so upset?" Anko asked tilting her head in question.

Sasuke stared for a long time silently debating with himself whether he should answer the question or not or how he should even approach the question, he sighed before finally replying.

"…That I liked it…what Orochimaru did to me…that I enjoyed being raped." Sasuke sighed after finally saying it out loud, finally admitting to himself what he couldn't face for years, what he refused to accept.

"I see." Anko said with a look of understanding in her eyes.

"You spent time with Orochimaru…did anything ever happen with him?" Sasuke asked hesitantly.

"I don't think so…you see Orochimaru erased most of my memories from back then." Anko explained with no clear emotion on her face.

"Then I doubt you could help me." Sasuke said resuming the position of holding his chin in his hand and crossing his legs.

"Only you can help yourself Sasuke. There's no magic cure for this. You've been through a lot, even before you left the village. You're going to have a hard time coming to terms with everything, but just give yourself some time, don't dwell on them, and most importantly don't blame yourself. Okay Sasuke?"

"Hn." He replied as if he wasn't listening, but her words struck a chord and stuck in his mind, he would try at least, to listen to her.

"Anything else? Any nightmares or other kind of relapses I should know about?" Anko asked with a curious look and Sasuke's eyes widened, it was like she was already inside his head.

"I guess you could say that." Sasuke answered vaguely.

"Like what?" Anko asked not looking away from Sasuke.

"…I have… nightmares often, last night's was…horrible, and I was cutting myself, but I doubt I'll do it again now that Shikamaru and Naruto know about it." Sasuke said and scratched at his neck. Anko took notice of this.

"Here." Anko opened a drawer on the desk, she pulled out two purple rubber bands and handed them to Sasuke.

"Rubber bands?" Sasuke asked quizzically.

"Put them on your wrist like bracelets, if you feel the urge to cut or you get the urge to scratch because of heroin withdrawal just snap the rubber band against your skin until the feeling goes away, it should have a similar effect and it's less damaging." Anko explained the rubber band technique to him in hopes he would keep away from drugs and other self-harming methods.

"Hn." He answered while putting the rubber bands around his left arm.

"And talk to someone about your nightmares, it doesn't have to be me if you don't want it to." Anko suggested.

"Hn."

"Well we're done for the day. Come back here same time next week okay?"

"Fine." Sasuke replied getting out of the chair and walking towards the door. The thoughts and memories were already swirling around in his head. An overwhelming feeling of wanting to just disappear filled him, he was tempted to run on the spot, but suddenly Naruto's question brought him out of those thoughts, for at least a moment.

"So what do you want to do now?" Naruto asked as Sasuke closed the door.

"Home." Was all Sasuke said.

When they got back to Naruto's apartment Sasuke immediately walked over to the couch and laid down. Naruto sighed and sat down on the chair across from the couch.

"So how'd it go?" Naruto asked. Sasuke looked as if he didn't even here the question and started snapping the rubber band against his wrist.

"Did Anko give you those?" Naruto tried again. Sasuke glanced up at him then continued staring into nothing.

"Why aren't you talking to me?" Naruto asked getting frustrated. Sasuke merely tapped a finger to his temple then stood up and went to the balcony to have a cigarette. He came back a few minutes later and laid back down on the couch staring blankly at the wall again.

_On the first night of Sasuke's arrival to Orochimaru's hideout Sasuke was taken far underground and his feet were chained to the ground inside one of the many cells that lined the wall. He was confused at first, wasn't Orochimaru going to train him to be fit enough to be his container one day? Didn't they have a deal, his body for Itachi's death?_

"_Your training begins now." Orochimaru said his voice hissing with slight amusement as he shut the metal cell door locking Sasuke inside._

"_Wait! I don't understand, how is this training?" Sasuke asked walking as close to the door as his chains would allow him._

"_Silly child. This isn't the leaf village. I won't kill you of course, but my vessel must be strong, you have a lot to learn…" Orochimaru said as he left the dungeon, blowing out the single candle that lit the area._

_Sasuke sighed and sat on the ground, the room was pitch black the only sound was the jingling of his shackles when he moved. He shifted and flattened himself against the ground, there was no cot, the floor would be his bed, the corner his bathroom, and who knew when he would be brought food._

_The next day Sasuke woke up to the faint glow of a candle through the bars of his cell and Kabuto standing at the door with a tray of food._

"_Here. You'll have one meal a day. Make it count." Sasuke sighed in frustration and got up to grab the tray, he could barely reach it with the shackles holding him back._

"_How is this training?" Sasuke asked finally grabbing the tray and sitting back down. In the candle light he could barely make out what was on the tray, some kind of liquid broth in the center, rice, a piece of bread, and what looked like a plastic bag with juice in it. Sasuke grabbed the bread and ate it staring at the ceiling annoyed, the bread was stale._

"_You're lucky, you should take into consideration that you're Orochimaru's favorite." Sasuke did not particularly like the way Kabuto emphasized the word favorite and chose to ignore it and ignore him instead. Kabuto turned away and walked out, blowing out the candle as he left. Sasuke was immersed in darkness once again._

_For two weeks Sasuke was kept in the darkness of this cell and once a day he saw Kabuto, he kept track of the days by the number of trays that accumulated. Finally on the fourteenth day Orochimaru visited Sasuke. He hoped for freedom, the food was horrible, and the cell smelled horrible, to the point where he couldn't even sleep anymore. Orochimaru had Kabuto open the cell and unshackle Sasuke. He could faintly see that his ankles were bruised and raw from the tightness of the metal._

"_Come on Sasuke." Orochimaru said leading Sasuke to the next floor and to his own room. This room was small with one bed, a desk, a bathroom, and a single candle. There were sheets on the bed and a brand new pair of clothes._

"_Take a shower and change I'll be back in an hour." Orochimaru said as he turned to leave._

_That was the first day of Sasuke's official training, at least to him. For one month Orochimaru trained him, teaching him new jutsus and allowing him access to certain scrolls for study. It was at the end of this month that Sasuke felt rather edgy and the two began to argue._

"_I don't need to listen to you, you are not my master." Sasuke said anger clear in his voice, his sharingan blazing, and his sword pointing dangerously toward Orochimaru._

"_You came to me child and therefore you must follow my orders." Orochimaru said as a smile twisted onto his face. Sasuke shuddered and ran to attack him. Orochimaru dodged and grabbed the hand that clenched the sword, he twisted the hand until Sasuke screamed in pain and the clanking sound of the sword hitting the ground echoed throughout the room. His sharingan deactivated._

"_You will obey me. Report to my room in three hours or you'll be spending longer than two weeks in the cell you love so dearly." Orochimaru gave the silent threat and walked out of the training area. Sasuke glared at his retreating form until he could no longer see him. Sasuke started practicing on his own at this point, picking up the sword and continuing the attempt of teaching himself how to manipulate the chakra of his chidori through it._

_A few hours later he left to his room and took a shower, then changed clothes. With a scowl on his face he left to Orochimaru's room and knocked at the door._

"_Come in Sasuke." The snake's voice was muffled behind the door. Sasuke turned the knob and walked in closing the door behind him._

"_Lock it." Orochimaru said without turning to look at him. He was fiddling with some needles that were laying on a table by his bed, he was wearing a single white robe, the room was lit with one candle, and in the center of the room was a large bed with white sheets. An uneasy feeling filled Sasuke as he turned the lock on the door, then looked back at Orochimaru._

"_Get on the bed, remove your clothes first." Orochimaru said still not looking at him._

"_What?!" Sasuke asked confused his eyes widening._

"_Take. Off. Your. Clothes." Orochimaru enunciated as he finally turned to look at Sasuke a needle in hand. Sasuke wasn't sure what to do, his breathing came out more rapidly and he started to shake, hesitantly he began to lift his shirt off and then drop his pants and underwear at the same time, he wasn't wearing his shoes._

"_Bed." Orochimaru commanded, he was watching the boy undress the whole time with hungry eyes. Sasuke shakily moved one leg after the other and slowly walked over to the bed, he sat down facing away from Orochimaru. Orochimaru practically slithered across the bed and sat behind Sasuke, one leg on either side of the boy, the robe opened and Sasuke could feel the snake master's member against his back along with Orochimaru's naked torso as he placed a hand on Sasuke's chest and pushed him against his body. Sasuke continued to shake but didn't say anything._

"_Has no one ever touched you like this?" Orochimaru asked with a light chuckle while running his fingers through Sasuke's hair and tilting his head to the side, as Sasuke shook he mouthed a silent 'no' in response. Orochimaru lifted the needle to Sasuke's neck and administered the drug to a vein there, then tossed the needle onto the table. He slid his arms out of the robe and wrapped them around Sasuke. The boy grew tired in his arms as Orochimaru licked and bit at Sasuke's neck. He moved away from Sasuke then pulled him to lay down on the bed on his back. Sasuke looked up at Orochimaru a hint of fear in his eyes as he continued to shake._

_Orochimaru spread Sasuke's legs apart and moved in between them, he placed Sasuke's legs on his shoulders and moved forward, in one quick second he was completely inside Sasuke. The boys back arched as he let out a piercing scream. Orochimaru didn't allow time for Sasuke to get used to it or breathe and continued thrusting relentlessly. His head was banging into the headboard with each of Orochimaru's thrusts. His stomach turned with nausea as Orochimaru leaned down to kiss him, he tried to turn his head away but Orochimaru grabbed his face and forced his jaw open as he shoved his tongue inside. Sasuke tried to push Orochimaru off him his hands pushing against Orochimaru's chest with all the strength he had. Orochimaru grabbed the hands with one of his own and locked them against the headboard. Sasuke screamed at the pain, the conflicting feeling of Orochimaru's other hand running down his side soothingly and the pain of each thrust, Orochimaru was by no means a small man. A few tears fell from Sasuke's eyes as Orochimaru finished inside him, Orochimaru rolled off of him and laid back on the bed._

"_You can go." Orochimaru said as if they just finished a training session, and maybe that's what this was to him. Sasuke felt the familiar feeling of disgust take over him as he shakily stood up and walked towards the door. _

"_By the way Sasuke, I __**am **__your master. Do well to remember that for next time." Sasuke looked back at him his eyes widening as he picked up his clothes. He unlocked the door and was about to turn the knob before he heard an expectant cough behind him._

"…_Yes…Master." Sasuke said and quickly bolted out the door to go back to his room and shower for as long as humanly possible._

_A year passed and the times he spent with Orochimaru seemed to get worse and worse. The first time he was raped he never thought much about the injection Orochimaru gave him until a few months later when he realized it was heroin and he was without a doubt addicted to the horrible substance. Now he always had heroin, he took three injections in the morning, three at night, and if he were to spend some time in Orochimaru's that evening, he would take three more injections when he left the bastards room. The longest he spent with Orochimaru was a week and a half in which he slept with the man in the same bed every night for ten days, they would even shower together. Orochimaru loved showering with Sasuke and Sasuke had to try his hardest not to puke every time the man touched him. _

_They were finally changing hideouts. Orochimaru wrapped a blindfold around Sasuke's eyes and chained his hands and feet. The journey was long, when they finally arrived at the new hideout Sasuke couldn't really see much of a difference. Orochimaru wrapped a chain around Sasuke's neck and dragged him around the hideout. This is the fashion in which he was first introduced to Suigetsu, Juugo, and Karin. Karin was in the middle of experimenting on Suigetsu when Orochimaru walked in dragging Sasuke behind him. Suigetsu couldn't hide his annoyance at being seen strapped to a bed with all kinds of wires attached to him, but he felt worse for Sasuke, at least he wasn't being dragged around by a chain at his neck. Karin couldn't help but feel pity for Sasuke, she always had a thing for him ever since their first meeting in the chunin exams, seeing him now, he was nothing but a shell of his former self._

"_Sasuke sit down, Karin is going to run some tests on you." Orochimaru said setting Sasuke down in a chair near the table Suigetsu was on. He kissed Sasuke on the cheek and removed the chain from around his neck, the other two occupants of the room visibly cringed at the display. Sasuke didn't even flinch. A few minutes later Karin finished her experiment with Suigetsu._

"_I don't know Orochimaru I need one more day." Karin said._

"_Fine fine, I'm more interested in Sasuke right now anyway." Orochimaru said as he helped her remove Suigetsu from the straps and wires then set him down in a chair as well. Orochimaru beckoned Sasuke over to him and had him lie down on the bed. They did a few tests and even experimented with electroshock therapy, to which Sasuke didn't have much of a response to._

_Eventually Orochimaru sighed and looked over at Karin his arms crossed in a familiar gesture._

"_Just heal him for now." Orochimaru said and Karin nodded rolling up one of her sleeves she held out her arm in front of Sasuke's face._

"_Bite down." Karin said and Sasuke looked to Orochimaru to make sure that's what he was supposed to do. Orochimaru nodded and Sasuke bit down on her arm, he felt the effects immediately, her healing chakra was flowing through him, his wounded body healing better than it did under Kabuto's healing jutsus. After Sasuke was healed Orochimaru took Sasuke out of the room, the chain wrapped around his neck again. Karin took Suigetsu back to his water chamber._

_Orochimaru lead Sasuke down several hallways and eventually stopped at a wooden door, he took out a key to unlock it, it was a blank room, with one candle and five chains attached to the wall. Orochimaru removed the chains from Sasuke and pulled him over to the wall. He clasped a shackle to each leg, each arm, and his neck, he kissed him on the lips, to which Sasuke was completely unresponsive and turned to leave. He blew out the candle and locked the door behind him as he left. _

_Sasuke sighed in the dark room, he was beyond miserable, staying with Orochimaru was easily the worst decision he's ever made. His head fell in sadness and he couldn't help the tears that started falling._

'_Naruto…Naruto I'm so sorry.'_

Sasuke's behavior hadn't changed over the past three days. He wouldn't move from the couch unless he was going to the bathroom or smoking a cigarette, which he seemed to do on auto pilot, even when he was having nightmares he wouldn't move from the couch. He woke up screaming a few times and Naruto tried telling him to sleep in the bed, but Sasuke wouldn't move or even respond. It was Friday, Naruto was tired of it, he walked over to Sasuke who was lying on the couch and pulled him into a sitting position. He slapped Sasuke across the face as hard as he could, and still didn't get a reaction. Naruto started shaking Sasuke, grasping tightly onto his shoulders, he fell to his knees crying and laid his head in Sasuke's lap.

"Why aren't you talking to me?!" Naruto shouted. Sasuke was tired, he stared at Naruto, finally waking up from this depression he has succumbed himself to for the past three days. One of the rubber bands on his wrist snapped yesterday and the other one was wearing thin. He lifted Naruto's head and looked him in the eyes, Naruto was sniffling his eyes were wide from finally seeing Sasuke react after so long with nothing.

"Stop crying, idiot." Sasuke said and Naruto's tears finally stopped as he looked at Sasuke incredulously.

"You don't speak for three days and when you finally do you call me an idiot?!" Naruto asked shocked and slightly pissed.

"Hn. I was thinking, sometimes I do that…" Sasuke replied looking away from Naruto and shaking slightly, the memories were still strong, he hadn't yet reached the resolve he wanted to. Sadness overwhelmed him again, shame gripped his heart and an awkward feeling made his stomach turn in nauseous waves. Orochimaru Orochimaru Orochimaru…the man was dead. Did what happen before really matter? How could it not matter?

"…Sasuke." Sasuke vaguely realized Naruto had called his name a few times, he turned to look at him again, despite the many emotions swirling through his head his face remained impassive.

"Hn?" Sasuke acknowledged Naruto finally and Naruto sat back on his knees his hands in his lap as he looked at Sasuke with a questioning gaze.

"What were you thinking about?" Naruto asked in an attempt to understand, in an attempt to get Sasuke to say something, anything. Each time Naruto felt like he was getting closer to Sasuke, it was like the other ninja would take one step away from him. Sasuke may be back in the village, but Naruto has never felt like he was more far away. At the same time however Naruto could see a change in Sasuke's body language, when they were younger Sasuke seemed to just show anger, but now Naruto could see the nervousness in the way Sasuke's leg bounced up and down like a jack hammer, or the way his eyes shifted away from him as if he was afraid they'd give something away, and the way he crossed his arms like he was trying to hold himself together.

"What I've learned." Sasuke answered in a vague whisper as his expression flickered for a brief second before his expression became impassive once more. Naruto looked at him for a brief second then stood up. Naruto stood his body turned away from Sasuke, but when Sasuke looked up Naruto was staring right at him.

"Let's train." Naruto said and Sasuke looked down before nodding and then followed Naruto out the door.

The next night Sasuke and Naruto were at Ino's party standing off to the side with Shikamaru, Neji, and Gaara. Sasuke was leaning against a wall smoking a cigarette and staring off blankly into the room. Sakura and Lee were on a couch. Shino, Kiba, and Hinata were on another couch. Ino was sitting in a chair next to Sakura who she was currently engaged in a shot competition with. Choji watched while standing behind Sakura munching on some chips. Temari walked over and sat on the couch with Lee and Sakura watching with amusement as the two girls drowned themselves in Sake. Ten-Ten was sitting in the chair across from Ino, which was slightly pushed up against the wall, and she was having a conversation with Kankuro. A few minutes later Sai burst in the door.

"Hello everyone." Sai said attempting his most sincere smile. Some nodded in greeting, others were too engrossed in whatever it was they were doing. Sai walked over to Ino and Sakura, he poured himself a glass of Sake and sipped it, Ino, who was already on the verge of being wasted, stared up at Sai with lust in her eyes.

"It's pretty cool the way you have all those scrolls for your weapons." Kankuro said as Ten-Ten put away the three scrolls she was currently showing him.

"Yeah and you use scrolls for your puppets." Ten-Ten said with amusement.

"Yeah well that's only three scrolls, you have like twenty." Kankuro said in an attempt to compliment her.

"Is this your attempt at hitting on me?" Ten-Ten asked putting her hands on her hips. Kankuro looked away, feeling nervous all of a sudden.

"Uh yeah I guess, I'm just saying it'd be cool if we could train together or get something to eat while I'm here." Kankuro said staring at the ceiling while rubbing the back of his head. Ten-Ten chuckled slightly.

"Sure I'd love to." Ten-Ten said honestly with slight amusement in her voice. Kankuro was about to say something when a sudden loud noise from across the room distracted them. Apparently the chair Ino was in slammed into the opposite wall when she yanked Sai down into a random make-out session, which he didn't seem to mind at all. How long had this been going on? Crossed everyone's mind as Kiba let out a few cat calls. The two lovebirds didn't seem like they were stopping anytime soon. Sasuke's eyes flashed a dark color when he saw them.

_He was waking up in a large white bed while Orochimaru kissed up and down his body. He wanted to pretend he was asleep but Orochimaru wouldn't allow that._

"_I know you are awake child." Orochimaru said with a demented purr. Orochimaru didn't waste time taking advantage of the already naked boy. He grabbed Sasuke and for an hour took control of him._

"_Stop Orochimaru!" Sasuke didn't know how else to react he tried to scream but his voice was breaking._

"_I believe I told you to call me master." Orochimaru said as he dropped Sasuke's useless body back on the bed. He stood and wrapped a robe around himself then turned his head looking at Sasuke._

"_Sasuke, what makes pleasure so sweet is the fact that some things have to be endured."_

"Sasuke!" Naruto shouted for the tenth time.

"Hn." Sasuke slowly looked around feeling confused, the cigarette in his hand had burned out a long time ago, a large ash falling from it. 'Where did Neji and Gaara go?' He asked himself as he put the cigarette in the ash tray.

"Shikamaru keep an eye on him while I find a bathroom." Naruto said walking away. Sasuke started snapping the rubber band on his wrist repetitively.

"Was that Anko's idea?" Shikamaru asked gesturing toward the rubber band.

"Yeah." Sasuke replied.

"Does it work?" Shikamaru asked raising a brow.

"Well it serves its purpose." Sasuke replied as he continued to snap the rubber band against his skin.

'Where in the hell is the bathroom in this place?!' Naruto asked impatiently to himself as he slammed open another door, but quickly froze on the spot. On the bed Neji was lying on top of Gaara vigorously kissing the red head beneath him.

"Holy shit!" Naruto shouted and the two people on the bed quickly snapped their heads up to see Naruto gaping in the doorway. Naruto quickly walked back in the main room, Neji then Gaara followed right behind him.

"Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit." Naruto kept repeating.

"What happened?" Shikamaru asked with a bored expression on his face.

"I-I-I just walked in on Neji and Gaara making out!" Naruto shouted as the room silenced and the two said ninja emerged from the hallway.

"Aw no fucking way!" Kiba shouted throwing 30,000 yen into Shino's face, he collected the prize without a change in emotion.

"I told you." Shino said to Kiba.

"I'm tired of losing bets to you!" Kiba shouted annoyed Neji and Gaara stared at each other then at the other two on the couch.

"Is this new or have you been together a while?" Kiba asked jumping up as Shino waited for the answer as well.

"…A while." Neji answered and Shino continued counting the money.

"Goddammit!" Kiba shouted sitting back down on the couch heavily.

"Honestly what do you think he spent a year and a half in Suna for? Training?" Shino asked amusedly as he put the money he won away. Neji blushed and looked away. Gaara smirked.

"Why didn't you tell anyone?" Naruto asked confused.

"A few people know." Neji said while crossing his arms.

"As Kazekage I can't really publicize private affairs like this." Gaara explained and Neji glared at the floor, he hated hearing their relationship referred to in such a way. Gaara noticed this and walked up behind Neji wrapping his arms around his waist.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean it like that." Gaara apologized.

"I know what you meant." Neji said not able to help the slight annoyance in his voice.

"C'mon lets talk for a minute." Gaara said grabbing Neji's hand and leading him outside the sliding glass door. Naruto walked over to Shikamaru and Sasuke who were both smoking cigarettes.

"Well I don't have to go to the bathroom anymore." Naruto said.

"That's gross, idiot." Sasuke said while he exhaled smoke.

"EH?! Not like that bastard!" Naruto shouted shaking his fist at Sasuke. Shikamaru shook his head but couldn't hide the amusement he felt.

The rest of the party went on pretty normal, and around one in the morning Sasuke and Naruto decided to go home. They arrived at Naruto's apartment about twenty minutes after they left the party. Naruto walked over to his bed and climbed under the large orange blanket then looked up at Sasuke.

"Do you want to sleep here as well?" Naruto asked trying to approach the subject carefully.

"…Yeah." Sasuke answered with a sigh and got into bed next to Naruto, after a while they finally fell asleep.

**It was gonna be so much longer oh lord you have no idea, but I stopped here.**


End file.
